Building a romantic relationship is generally enjoyable in the beginning. Both partners are often carefree regardless of the circumstances. However, as time goes by, this love relationship doesn't always run smoothly.
Two individuals who spend a significant amount of time together sometimes encounter differences of opinion that can trigger problems in the relationship. Just one mistake can ruin the mood of the partner and make them quickly angry. So, what should you do when your partner becomes emotional, and how can you persuade an angry girlfriend to improve her mood?
You don't need to worry, here are some tips for maintaining a healthy relationship and some ways to handle an angry partner:
1. Be a Good Listener and Understand Emotions with an Open Mind
In a romantic relationship, you need to compromise with your partner, especially when dealing with different personalities, habits, and thought patterns. If your partner is going through a difficult day that causes their emotions to fluctuate, it's best for you to be a good listener and provide a safe space for them to express their grievances.
Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman, researchers and authors at Harvard Business Review, state that a good listener can build self-confidence in others. During interactions, this listener can create positive conversations, refrain from criticizing when the other person expresses their views, and make the other person feel supported by discussing openly any problems or differences they may have.
Persuading an angry partner isn't just about buying them things they like or taking them to new places. Sometimes, when a partner is angry or upset, they want someone who can genuinely understand their emotions. In a healthy conversation, feedback flows naturally without unilateral judgment from the interlocutor.
Providing open feedback can make the other person feel safe and fully trust their conversational partner. It is this trust that will make someone feel free to express their anger, knowing that their conversational partner will understand with an open mind.
A good listener is like a trampoline, able to bounce off ideas and turn them into positive energy, just like jumping on a trampoline. Positive energies can be absorbed and reflected back to strengthen and clarify your thoughts. One of the factors that make a good listener capable of openly understanding their partner's emotions.
2. Control Your Own Emotions to Resolve Conflict with Your Partner
Goleman (1997) revealed that emotional skills include self-control, not exaggerating pleasure, regulating mood, and preventing stress from impairing thinking ability, reading others' deepest feelings (empathy), praying, nurturing relationships to the best of one's ability, resolving conflicts, and becoming a leader in their environment.
Based on this explanation, self-control is important in maintaining your relationships with others. Both partners, whether male or female, when they have good self-control, can have a balanced relationship. This means that both parties can communicate their feelings well and emotions can be expressed without hurting each other.
Someone with good self-control is likely to also have good relationships, whether in the workplace, family, or friendships. The ability to control one's behavior when interacting with others is a major advantage for individuals with high self-control. Relationship harmony will also be maintained because both partners are able to control themselves well.
In a relationship, emotions often arise when your partner's actions do not meet your expectations. Unfulfilled physical or emotional needs trigger disappointment that tends to be indirectly expressed and harbored for a longer time. Sometimes, you also hope that your partner can be more sensitive without needing to explicitly express your intentions or how you feel.
3. Calm Yourself and Take Some Distance
When conflicts between you and your partner start to escalate, taking a moment to calm yourself and create some distance can be one way to improve the situation. Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a psychologist from the United States working at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health, states that taking a break or creating distance from your partner can lead to a healthier relationship.
Taking distance needs to be done occasionally so that you can recognize yourself and do things that you cannot do when you are together with your partner. When you are alone, you can think more freely to evaluate yourself, become aware of any mistakes you might have made, identify the root of the problem, and then find the best way out together with your partner.
Dr. Roxy Zarrabi, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and founder of a mental health counseling website from Chicago, Illinois, reveals that some people need more space than others when it comes to being in a relationship. This relates to how individuals obtain their energy.
Introverted and extroverted individuals have different preferences for personal space. Therefore, it is important to understand your partner's need for space and provide the necessary distance for them to recharge.
4. Understand Your Feelings and Honestly Communicate with Your Partner
When your partner is angry, it is important to understand your own feelings before expressing them to your partner. Sometimes, there is a notion within you that your partner will automatically be sensitive and understand what you are feeling without you having to communicate it. However, the first mistake in a relationship often begins with your habit of keeping your feelings to yourself.
Michael Slepian, a researcher in social psychology from Columbia University, revealed that there are many negative effects that arise when someone frequently keeps many secrets. They feel burdened by having to keep these secrets from others and not being able to be honest about their own feelings.
Similarly, Irene Fehr, a relationship expert from the United States, states, "Couples should avoid having secrets in their relationship. It is important to be transparent about anything that happens and what you feel to your partner. Secrets will make one partner feel disappointed because they don't receive trust from their own partner."
So, no matter how complicated and challenging the problems you are facing, try to always be open and honestly communicate them to your partner, in order to avoid misunderstandings that can strain the relationship.
5. Watch Your Words to Stay Positive
When you're emotional, you tend to utter hurtful words that may hurt your partner's feelings. This can actually be avoided if you focus on positive statements instead of dwelling on negative remarks made by your partner. Also, avoid judgmental statements that can further hurt your partner's emotions.
There is an expression that says, "The tongue is sharper than a sword." This expression holds true from both a psychological perspective and from the viewpoint of Islam. The Hadith of HR Muslim states that maintaining control over one's tongue is not only about maintaining good relationships with others but also a reflection of faith that should be applied in everyday life.
Watching your words is also a crucial aspect of effective communication. Communication serves various purposes, such as providing information, persuasion, or negotiation. When speaking with your partner, these three purposes work together to resolve any issues that arise. Therefore, if you want to achieve your communication goals, it is important to make sure that your conversation is positive and that your partner understands your intentions.
6. Resolve Conflict by Recognizing Your Partner's Love Language
Each person has their own way of expressing emotions or feelings. When faced with relationship conflicts, whether with your partner, family, or friends, someone may feel more comfortable expressing themselves through writing, having a one-on-one conversation with a trusted individual, or by giving gifts to improve the relationship. Love language, or the language that makes someone feel loved, varies from person to person, as everyone has their own way of expressing themselves.
The concept of Love Languages was first introduced by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., an author from North Carolina, United States, who published a book titled "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate." Chapman divides the ways individuals express love to others into five types, which are not limited to romantic relationships but also apply to relationships with family and friends.
The 5 Love Languages According to Gary Chapman
1. Words of Affirmation
Someone who has the love language of "Words of Affirmation" enjoys receiving romantic words, compliments, or sweet expressions that boost their self-confidence. If your partner feels happy when given praise, expressions of affection, or a simple thank you for something valuable they have done for you, then it can be assumed that their love language is Words of Affirmation. They appreciate hearing positive affirmations in words that strengthen them.
This type of partner enjoys receiving appreciation. Never assume that your partner can understand what you want without speaking honestly. Set aside thoughts like "they must know that I love them without me having to say it" because this type of partner wants you to convey those feelings directly with romantic words.
Even with simple phrases like "thank you for your efforts today" or "remember to rest, your body is not a robot!" try to always give appreciation that will make your partner feel happy and valued. If you are not happy with their behavior, try to communicate it directly and honestly.
2. Receiving Gifts
Imagine you are having an argument with your partner, and for days, they remain angry and silent. To break the silence, you decide to visit their house with some food or flowers. Suddenly, your partner melts and is willing to talk again. If this situation occurs frequently in your romantic relationship, it can be assumed that your partner's love language is receiving gifts.
This type of partner enjoys receiving small surprises that come in the form of gifts. They tend to appreciate tangible actions more than mere words, especially if you already know what objects or food they like without having to ask first. The value of the gifts is not solely based on their monetary worth but also on the meaning you attach to them.
However, don't be mistaken, a partner with this love language can assess your sincerity when giving gifts. They can differentiate between a heartfelt gift and one given as a bribe. So, understand the true significance of the gift before giving it to your partner. Show that you genuinely care about their happiness.
3. Quality Time
If your partner easily gets angry when you are busy playing games or frequently checking your phone while being together, it is possible that they have the love language of quality time. When they make an effort to spend time alone with you, try to be fully present and listen to what they are saying. Your partner will feel truly valued if your attention is not divided by other unimportant things.
This type of partner also tends to play the role of a good listener. They will be happy to listen to your stories and try to provide feedback without you asking. When faced with a problem, this type of partner wants to receive positive input that can influence their decisions. Therefore, if your partner has the love language of quality time, make an effort to listen to their every heartfelt expression openly and provide non-judgmental solutions.
You can schedule a quiet and conducive dinner together at their favorite place to have focused conversations without being disturbed by crowds. Partners with this love language enjoy receiving undivided attention, so make sure to not only give them quality time but also quality attention, to maintain good communication.
4. Physical Touch
Every human being enjoys receiving hugs at certain moments. Hugs are often given as congratulations for achieving something or as a sign of sympathy when feeling sad, allowing someone to feel better. According to research, hugging can trigger the body to release oxytocin hormone, which can induce a sense of comfort and calmness.
If your partner often desires to be hugged or seeks physical touch to prove your love, then their love language is physical touch. It's not just hugs; partners with the love language of physical touch also enjoy other forms of physical contact, such as holding hands, gentle head strokes, or pats on the shoulder to strengthen them.
Physical touch is one of the most effective ways to express love directly. As long as it is done sincerely and without coercion, physical touch can provide a unique warmth in a relationship. Physical touch is a love language that can also heal pain, provide comfort, and enhance your partner's trust in you.
5. Acts of Service
Someone who has the love language of "acts of service" doesn't need sweet words because they are considered unnecessary. The saying "actions speak louder than words" may be more appropriate to describe someone with this love language. If your partner has this love language, never refuse to help when they need it.
Partners who have this love language prefer it when you help them with both small and big tasks. Taking initiative and acting quickly are key to maintaining relationship harmony. You can start by helping them with household chores, shopping for groceries, or other activities that can lighten their load.
Partners with this love language enjoy spontaneous and practical activities. They tend to dislike anything complicated or convoluted. They will feel appreciated and loved if you pay attention to the small things they normally do without needing an explanation from them.
Partners with this love language always want to receive special attention from you. However, if you manage to melt their heart, they will gladly help you with important tasks and make you feel special in return.
Conclusion
There are many ways to appease an angry partner, ranging from simple to more serious approaches. The various methods described above are just a few alternatives that can help you win back your partner's heart. However, it is important to understand that partners always want you to understand their intentions and hope that you are the person they can rely on when they are facing problems.
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